Constellations

That moment can never be replaced
You were crazy. You are crazy
You felt too much
You feel too little

Your long, wavy brown hair
Your beauty
As if you were the creator of the ocean
One with the sea
You birthed four dolphins

As a child I idolized you
I memorized your movements
Your tone. Your hands. Your tears.

You were always teaching me how to be alive
I watched as you ran into the cold sea
Your pants darkening into the rippling, rushing water
The wave crashed over your now shadowy face

You beckoned me to follow suit
Courage lacking
Yet my body wanted to feel
It always needs to feel

I let you fool yourself
I let you feel all alone
You don't know very much about life
Misery is all you know

Now I find myself alive
More alive than you'll ever be
I run into freezing hurricane storms
Catch hail with my mouth
I scream your name
But there is no answer

I always want to feel
Who will feel with me?
Swallowing sea salt
Cleansing my system

I dance in the falling water
and remember how you taught me to feel
Now I feel everything
Everything.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

                                                                                        - Bob Marley

"Some call love a curse, some call love a thief

But she's my home

And she's as much apart for this broken heart, 

but see

Broken bones always seem to mend"

~ Angus & Julia Stone

Sagittarius

...their passion for love smolders underneath their calm and composed nature.

Searching For a Distance

A magnifying glass from the drawer

Shining silver and streak clean

I bring it-too close for comfort

Searching. 

I am conspicuous 

The largest brown eye like a monster

Tracking the earth

Searching.

White breath fogging the glass

Push away

Shake it off

Autofocus. 

Searching.

Grasp the colored lights and darks

Sharps, dulls, thicks, thins

Pros. Cons.

Searching.

Corner to corner

Fierce red persistence

Eyes and mind wide open

Searching.

Black abyss soaking the canvas

Giving to what cannot be found

Finding broken down lines

Fading

Searching.

Searching. Searching. Searching for what may not exist.

Never Regret

It's unfortunate the position that we're in.
Anger still lies beneath this heart of mine,
 though when I think of what we had, I smile in joy.
The situation is sticky. Was sticky. Will probably always be sticky.
But I'd rather have that than nothing.
It was all worth it to me.
You were worth every ounce of pain.
As you embark in the rest of your journey, I hope you always remember me.
As I'll always remember you.

Love,

Nat

Quotes about Weight

There are many times in our lives when we create more burden than necessary. We allow our minds to bend and twist intricately complicated ideas, most of which are false. Our bodies then enact the fight or flight response. This response is prehistoric. Back in the day it was meant for fighting and being aware of your surroundings, not stress from people or silly things like whether or not someone likes you, etc. Think about the things in your life that are facts and those that are assumptions. Write them down. Then cross off everyone that you CANNOT prove. Get down to the things you actually know. Then you can move forward and reduce your stress. This goes for insecurities as well. I've met many people who feel inferior to others, less beautiful, or less confident. We are all equal. We are all beautiful and confident. It's inside us all, we just need to harness it and ride it. Be in control of your mind and your body. 

Here are some quotes to encourage you:

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”
Toni Morrison

“Even the models we see in magazines wish they could look like their own images.”
Cheri K. Erdman.

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.”
Simone de Beauvoir

“Body acceptance means, as much as possible, approving of and loving your body, despite its “imperfections”, real or perceived. That means accepting that your body is fatter than some others, or thinner than some others, that your eyes are a little crooked, that you have a disability that makes walking difficult, that you have health concerns that you have to deal with — but that all of that doesn’t mean that you need to be ashamed of your body or try to change it. Body acceptance allows for the fact that there is a diversity of bodies in the world, and that there’s no wrong way to have one.” 
Golda Poretsky

What we ace may look insurmountable. But I learned something from all those years of training and competing. I learned something from all those sets and reps when I didn't think I could lift another ounce of weight. What I learned is that we are always stronger than we know.
Arnold Schwarzenegger



From birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is bolted to earth. But man has only to sink beneath the surface and he is free.
Jacques Yves Cousteau


One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. The word is love.
Sophocles 


Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.
Marilu Henner


Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.
Hans Selye

The components of anxiety, stress, fear and anger do not exist independently of you in the world. They simply do not exist in the physical world, even though we talk about them as if they do.
Wayne Dyer


The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
William James 


Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body.
Arnold Schwarzenegger


If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns

Learning to walk away is hard but staying to suffer is harder. Mariel Avila