The Matter of Perspective

Everyday we are bombarded with media, cars, news reports, weather reports, telephone poles, cement, stereotypes, grocery stores, pest control, formalities, laws. These things overwhelm me so much that I only find comfort in nature or playing like a child. You can't play like a child in "the world." Nature is the only place I feel most comfortable being free. I am not constrained by time, money, people, tasks, cleaning, expectations, so much difference. 

My best friend, James, took me on a exploration of mind, body and soul yesterday. I followed him to what seemed like the ends of the earth, the ends of my soul, my entire being. Places I hadn't reached or touched in so very long. James pushed me, into mud, but into myself. He showed me how much I've changed in the past 10 years. I watched as he ran around like a little boy, jumping off trees and climbing hills and swinging from branches. He walked through spider webs and challenged me to do the same. I had an excuse for everything. I either didn't think I was capable, I was afraid, or I thought it was silly. At one point I even said that if I lived in the woods I would get bored. Me...bored...in nature? What?! I said that. I didn't want to catch a lizard because I was afraid it would bite me. Even if it bit me, what would that really do? 

I've been thinking that I've been risking more than I ever have in life. I have risked NOTHING. I have been challenging myself but not enough. I can be conquering so much more! I've lost the only thing that has kept me sane. 

The world has conditioned me into someone I've never wanted to be. I'm a radical. I've always been that way. On our walk I came up with a quote unintentionally, I said "I want to be a part of this world, yet apart from this world." That balance is difficult to find.

We walked for three hours straight. It was like being in a new world filled with luxuries you can't find in the city. Luxuries being dirt and no human beings; besides Sheridan popping out of the woods on her run, lost, haha. 

There was mud down an entire path and there was no way to avoid it. I wanted to put warrior marks on James' face but he wouldn't let me; so I grabbed some mud and he took off running. I took off running as fast as I could. James was laughing and I was screaming. I got stuck at one point that I almost face planted into the muddy dirt. I would not have minded but I was too intent on chasing him down. We had so many laughs. We talked about good things, bad things and sad things; change and difference. We talked about God and who He is to us. There was so much freedom that I forgot what freedom felt like. 

When I was a child, I was told to grow up fast. Too fast. I've never been able to enjoy my childhood until now. My childhood is now. I'm too afraid to grow up. I'm learning to do both, but I can't forget where my origins lie...in the dirt. 

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” 

~Albert Einstein